USE OF FREE TIME IN THE FAMILY

The traditional Family:

The traditional family is large; It is a communion of persons united in true and genuine love; it has its fair share of the characteristic problems that affect the larger society so deeply. It is not therefore insulated from squabbles, serious disagreements and other forms of difficulties that we are familiar with today.

However it fosters the best environment for ones development into a full complete person.

The family presents the most ideal environment for acquiring the openness of mind and heart that is made possible by the experiences offered by moments of joy, happiness and suffering within the family setting. It is in the family that a person develops the capacity for love, for loving, and being loved, not for what he/she has, but for what he/she is. It is also in the family that one can get access to gratuitous time- time for patience, for tenderness, and for acceptance. While every family is unique and unrepeatable, the object of family life is the same – love, joy, support and education.

Society Today:

We live in a society that runs on demand, many of which are imposed on us from outside. Conscious of this fact families no longer devote time to family leisure, and to educate their children. For most families, if not all, weekly free time has become unmeaning luxury, a complete waste of time. We have gotten used to working all week long that no time is spared for the most important of all man’s entire endeavour- “building the family”.  Society expects us to be busy all the time, anything else amounts to laziness.  So we constantly load ourselves with activities, necessary and unnecessary, social or professional in nature, even some times religious, allays feeling obliged to do something; if only to meet expectations of society, while little or no thought is spared for the building and education of the family. The consequence of this is that we are gradually losing the capacity to create, have or enjoy free time – time for personal and family recreation., time for being together as a family.

Education in the family- Goals and objectives:

The “education mission” requires a physical and active presence of parents and should be aimed at positioning the children for a future based on the capacity for self sacrifice and a fighting spirit that surmounts difficulties and obstacles.

Family Values to be aimed at:

• To form individuals that are not closed in on themselves – open to nature and God - large family.
• Capable of contemplating and of marvelling at creation and of discovering mysteries of life and the histories God is building within them.
• To be free spirits and true brothers and sisters who realize that we are all children of God. – sharing spirit
• To be sensitive and compassionate in relation to others – being brother’s keeper
• To be innovators and transformers – contribution to common good; aim to be better that mummy and daddy

These values can best be taught in the family.

The children don’t necessarily have to go to somewhere to acquire these; they just need to be around their parents, sometimes, individually, and sometimes alone with the parents. Sometimes total attention is required and other times, they just enjoy being our children.

Model of a Christian Family:

·       Mutual appreciation among family members.

·       Quality time to create, have or enjoy free time

·       Quality time spent together as a family

·       Determined effort to promote a spiritual lifestyle.

Family Leisure and free-time.

A healthy family sees to it that some time is set aside for being together.

Family fun times and get-together create opportunities for parents to inculcate social and moral and sometimes spiritual values in their children when they are at their very best, that is being themselves, and doing what they like best. During such periods, with or without words or actions, parents communicate love for one’s neighbour, selfless service, and care for others. Family leisure or free-time do not constitute inactivity or laziness; but golden opportunities for informal education, for evolving family culture and tradition, and for engendering a collective disposition to discern, adopt, and assimilate set of values.

Setting aside time for family leisure and recreation is very important function that requires proper planning, and is not s to chance, or something for the spur of the moment.

Free time in the family.

 People often ask Is there a thing like free time in Lagos? An immediately the following questions follow:

·       ”Free time! – in a place like Lagos?.

·       Free time! For what?

·       Free time! For who?

·       Free time – is it possible today?

Why is free time important?, Is it a necessary time or a loss of useful time or at best a waste of time?, Is it a special time?  The answers to the above questions shall form the subject of subsequent discussions.

Family free time provides ample opportunity for learning first hand from the family environment.

Some of the things that can be learnt from family get-together.

i. A few special songs or poems that shape the psyche of children

ii. Manner of speaking and certain ways of behaving.

iii. Special prayer formulae

iv. Family rituals, handshake, greeting, memories of ancestors.

v. How to show love.

vi. How to respect elders.

vii. Communications modes other than speech.

Activities that make up free time in a family include the following:

1. MEAL TIME -  The family dining table is sacred and could be considered a seed bed for manners and virtues. The home should not be reduced to a hotel where no two members keep to the same time, where children go home to sleep; they see each other only once a while. The family dining table is a place where the children’s sense of belonging, sense of closeness and sense of sharing are reinforced. The following can be learnt:

i. Table manners – children learn how to listen to one another and how  to .express differing opinions

ii. To share – children learn how to share and consider other’s needs.

iii. Patience. Wait for one’s turn and for prayers.

iv. Looking after the weak they learn how to take care of the junior ones.

2. Helping with school work                     

    i.  Good opportunity to be with the child on one- to one basis, to be

     ii.  supoortive and help with the reasoning process.

     iii. interesting subjects and indicators come up.

     iv. Orderliness – time to learn the virtue of patience and stay in queue for one’s turn.

     v. It is important for the children to perceives that we are involved in tending to their needs

     vi. The supremacy of God – the great provider – time to learn how to render help and help another to solve problem, and to thank God for all he gives us.

3. Sharing in one’s duties and projects:

  i. Participation in each other’s activities of each other - Sometimes we take them to our offices to make them know what we do every day to provide for them.

 ii. Taking interest in the hobbies of each other, thus growing in solidarity.

4. Bed Time:

  i. Bed time is a very special time for exceptional intimacy – for passing comments and intimacies that would never come up during the day.

  ii. Time for last minute advice, to make plans and to say good night prayers together.

  Iii, Time to admonish with love.

5. Games:

   i. Allow them choose their games – give the impression that the time is theirs.

  ii. It helps to acquire new skills, to learn to obey rules, and to develop creativity

  iii. Helps to teach lessons of perseverance, patience and honesty.

  iv. Teaches them to accept defeat and manage success.

   v. Above all, makes us to know and understand our children better.

6. Weekends:

  i. don’t crowd the weekend with activities that do not promote family togetherness.

  ii. Make Saturdays and Sundays truly days of rest and intimate family encount

 iii. Encourage activities that have the tendency to bond the family together, such as:

§  Mass

§  Visits to close relatives

§  Catechism classes which both parents have prepared

§  Eating in or out together

7. Watching the Television:

                     i. opportunity for teaching morals

                     ii. Teaching what is good to watch and what is bad to watch.

                     iii. Adult presence is often and always required.

                     iv. Explaining difference between fiction and reality.

8. Vacations:

                        i. Provides lasting and highly cherished childhood memories

                       ii. Need to be planned well to get full benefit

                        iii. Do not necessarily conjure travelling out of one’s country – there are many interesting vacation sites around.

9. Grand parents’ presence:

  i. have lots of free time in their disposal – should make good use of    it to educate the children.

 ii.   Have very interesting stories that give children good sense  of     security, connectedness and rootedness.

 iii. Time and patience for answering the many questions – they are more objective, calmer, cooler and more available than the parents.

   iv. When they get sick, s they often do,  the children learn to take care of them, learn how to make sacrifice to support the weak – thereby getting educated in sensibility.

Things that militate against Family togetherness

a. Excessive involvement in outside interests by both children and parents.

- Lack of leisure or planned free time

- Involvement in professional work

- Very selfish disposition

- Too much of business, social or church meetings

Mother becomes a career woman and neglects the home front.

b. Poor listening habit or inability to listen.

 - Busy schedule at work

 - Gross selfishness and interest in things other than those affecting the children.

 - Impatience to give attention to the child’s needs

 - Hyperactivity on the part of the child

c. Poor Communication or lack of it between parents.

                  - Conflicting signals from parents.

                   - Insecurity on the part of the spouses

d. inexperience

                     - Hyper parenting

                     - Too much freedom

                     -  Paternalism/maternalism

   

 CONCLUSION

IT is obvious that relationship between spouses is the basis of the family and this affects all other relationships in a family.  Lack of effective communication between spouses breeds Mistrust, suspicion, insecurity and finally insincerity. Wherever this is the case, it rubs off on the relationship between the parents and the children.  It must be re-affirm that free time is necessary time, a privileged time, a special time for, a time full of content and meaning. It is a time of real encounter when family members become close to each other.  WE should use this time to:  listen, educate, understand, share, and most important to let ourselves go and really be.

A family without leisure/free time or any cultural interests, without any shared experiences that could broaden its horizons, or shape its collective acceptance or rejection of certain values, without opportunities for dialogue or activities that transcend the dictates of everyday routine, can be described as:

A family without a life;

A family with no character;

A family without identity;

THANK YOU